Lost in the crowd

If I were to ask you, “Who are you?” how would you respond?
If I were to ask you, “What is the mark left on this world?” what would you say?
If I were to ask you, “What makes you significant?” would you be able to give me an answer?

—

Let me share a little story with you guys alright, you can go grab some popcorn, I’ll wait 🙂…. ready?

So, the other day I was in line waiting for dinner

 

And I’ve got my food (nearly salivating at this point), just grabbed my cutlery and was about to turn away when I catch a girl’s eye. For the purposes of this story, let’s call her Kate. So, Kate calls out,

“Oh hi!….

I smile at her 😃

         Michelle!”

My heart drops. Confusion. Disbelief. Shock. Hits me all at once.

😊 turns into 🙁

Now I know Kate. We’ve had many conversations before. We’ve walked to campus together before. The real banger, we live literally less than 20m away from each other.

I brush it off. Pshhhh, I forget people’s names all the time. It wasn’t intentional.

“Oh, hey Kate… hahaha! I’m not Michelle.”

I can see on her face that she is genuinely confused.

Shake it off.

Michelle (not her real name) is one of my pod mates. We’re both Asian. Have glasses. That’s pretty much it. At this point I’m still pretty chill, I mean I forget people’s names alllllll the time, and I get it. I’m Asian. My eyes are pretty small xD

But like an icy dagger,

“Wait, sorry what was your name again?”

Stabs through my heart.

At least have a guess you know. Dig deeper a little deeper. Just try.

“Cecilia.”

“Oh OMG we have two Cecilias on our floor?????”

“Yup. She’s my neighbor”

At this point all I’m feeling is hurt.

It’s been a month girl. Like I would totally understand if you asked me within a few days of meeting, few weeks maybe, but a month? Living in such close proximity?

Now I know what you guys are thinking. You’re being waaaaay to sensitive about this. But it wasn’t about Kate. She’s a lovely person and I know we will continue to be friends! In time, who knows, maybe she’ll remember my name. 😉 But that conversation just brought up all the ugly feelings I had bottled up inside me. All my feelings about being away from my family and friends, being uprooted from everyone and everything I know, being thrust headfirst into the city populated by over 40,000 people and a school with just over 42,000 students. I’ve never felt more insignificant, than in that moment. Me standing there with my food. In the middle of a busy cafeteria, not alone, but lonely. Truly lost in the crowd.

—

“Hey Cecilia! What are you doing standing there like a total doof!”

I snapped out of it and turned around.

A whole bunch of my friends were wildly gesticulating at the seat they saved for me.

A place just for me. A place where I was Cecilia Wang. Not Michelle. Not the other Cecilia. Not some random Asian with small eyes. Me.

So, open your eyes (*squints, yeah, they’re open) and take a good look around. Grab those people who see you for you and appreciate you for it and give them a big ol’ hug. Hold on tight to your special talents, spunky wardrobe, and all the weird and wacky aspects of you. Join clubs, have a signature hairstyle, rock your hobbies… or not! You do you.

No one is truly alone or insignificant, no matter how small we all make an impact on other people’s lives, and they to yours. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed when surrounded by so many people, but all you got to do it reach out. Do the things you love and eventually, the ones who are supposed to notice you, those who make an effort to reach out to you, will see you for the awesome person that you are!

Be special.

Be yourself.

 

~Cecilia

P.S. The other Cecilia is sick of people asking if she’s the blogger… 😅 she’s got curly hair (mine is straight), wears round glasses her eyes are like 3 times the size of mine so ya! Haha! Hopefully you can tell us apart in the future! 😉